10 Reasons We Will Win The Olympics

Jul 26, 2012 by     No Comments    Posted under: lit

Many people find me to be an incredible source of information on on the Olympics.  I’d say that’s true depending on what you mean.

Pro-tip: Did you know that the Olympics only occur every four years?  As most of you are aware, it is a historical fact that the USA has won every Olympics since the games were first introduced….But is it also a scientific fact?  I don’t know.  Scientists may continue debating that question until the end of time.  Unfortunately we can’t wait that long so I am going to present to you the top ten reasons why I believe we will win this year’s Olympics (like all the rest of them).

1.)   Basketball

I must admit that I’ve not been following the NBA for quite a while but I must imagine that the most elite team of ballers that we can muster would be a force to be reckoned with.  This year, I’m guessing the team will consist of Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Dr. J, Mugsy Bogues and possibly(probably) Barrack Obama.




2.) Snowboarding

Does anyone else even compete in this?  Every time I turn around the U.S. has won gold, silver and bronze.  We probably got fourth through tenth places as well.  The rest of the world has some serious catching up to do in this event.




3.) Jamaican Bobsledding

Ever since the U.S. Invented the sport in 1993, we have continually dominated the international arena.  Our Jamaicans bobsled better than any other Jamaicans.  It’s been scientifically proven with math.




4.) We’ve won it all the other times. Why stop now?


5.) Synchronized Swimming

I’m actually going to the give this one to China.   Did you see the last Olympic opening ceremonies?  HOLY SHIT!  That is some serious synchronization.  I think it’s about time we got rid of this sport anyway.  It stupid.




6.) Swimming

Two words…Michael Phelps.  Did someone say Thorpedo?  Probably not.

Anyway…This is a picture of him if he had really short arms.







7.) Shooting

Come on.  There’s no way we could lose at that.


8.) Cycling

Let me tell you a little story about a guy named Lance Armstrong.  He has won the World cycling championships like several years in a row.  During that time he also cured some kind of cancer I think.  I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that he is an American so we probably got this in the bag.





9.) Boxing

I heard George Foreman is taking a break from selling grills and naming all of his children George in order to “whoop some ass” in London this year.  Watch out foreign boxers!




10.) We Deserve it More

Let’s face it.  It’s been a rough year for us.  Everyone loves an underdog.

Earn cred, share a bit.

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