Dec 1, 2011 by     No Comments    Posted under: lit

Our friends over at You Deserve a Cockpunch are here to count down the most cockpunchable people on the planet for the week we learned West Texas is being overrun by wild donkeys!

Dave Berg, president and CEO, American Crystal Sugar Company
In a recent presentation to American Crystal Sugar Company’s shareholders, Mr. Berg likened the company’s union employees, who have been locked out since their contract expired in August, to a massive cancerous tumor. You know, those massive cancerous tumors that go around clamoring for things like job security and affordable health care.

Bob Costas
Costas used his halftime monologue during last Sunday night’s football game to haughtily lambaste football players for defiling our chaste society with their choreographed touchdown celebrations. In doing so, Costas won the praise of 65-year old white guys everywhere and laid claim to the title “America’s Undisputed Pearl-Clutcher-in-Chief.” Happy fucking congratulations, asswipe.

Ndamukong Suh
The Detroit Lions’ defensive lineman stomped on an opposing player during the Thanksgiving Day game and afterwards offered a bullshit explanation that even former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich wouldn’t be able to give with a straight face. Now, the fact that he stomped on a Green Bay Packer mitigates his behavior slightly, but it’s behavior like that which caused the banks to fail in 2008. At least, that’s what Bob Costas told me.

The American Family Association
I’m sympathetic to Christians who lament the commercialization of one of their holiest holidays, but the American Family Association takes the lamentation to Crazy Town by accusing retailers that don’t mention Christmas in their year-end advertisements of “waging a war against Christmas.” They even issue a list of national retail chains that are “FOR” or “AGAINST” Christmas, and encourages people to boycott the latter. Now, I’m all for people using their purchasing power to create change, but when the change you want is for retailers to evoke Christmas in order to sell their pocket-tees, sneakers or office supplies, well that’s just stupid.

Earn cred, share a bit.

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