Spread Your Wings and Take Fright
I’ve been putting the finishing touches on my Halloween costume over the past three months, and I can tell you now that it is going to be nothing short of majestic. I spent most of the winter researching my options, and after lots of careful consideration, I decided to go with my favorite flying insect, the monarch butterfly.
Now before you say anything, I know exactly what you’re thinking: it doesn’t make sense to see a monarch in October because they would have already completed their migration to Mexico. But, have a little imagination, please! I too take lepidopterology very seriously, but there’s no reason to be a stickler when it’s going to ruin a great idea like this.
I know most people are going to dress up like werewolves or vampires or something scary like that, but in my opinion, the monarch is pretty bad-a itself. Its bright colors aren’t just for attracting a mate, they also serve as a clear warning sign to the rest of the world. The monarch is mildly poisonous if eaten, so potential predators better think twice before picking a fight with this butterfly, or they could end up with a pretty nasty stomach ache, or at least a bad taste in their mouth.
The other day, I put on my costume and jogged around the neighborhood for a couple of hours to check the structural stability of my wing harness. When I stopped briefly to make an adjustment, my neighbor Steve yelled out, “Hey Tinkerbell, you look like a girl.” He nicknamed me Tinkerbell years ago, so that was just a coincidence, but I am keeping his constructive criticism in mind. The male and the female monarch butterflies do look very similar, and Steve must not have noticed the androconia on my hind wings, which clearly denote the male. I’ll have to make them a bit larger so nobody makes that mistake again.
After all, Halloween is a great night for meeting ladies, and I wouldn’t want to send any of the wrong signals. Did you know the average lifespan of a monarch butterfly is only two to eight weeks? This could be my last night on Earth… With that pick up line and my pheromone emitting glands, the women this Halloween don’t stand a chance.
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